


Axe, Sword, Lance

by Schupuff



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Comedy, Ferdibert Secret Santa 2020 (Fire Emblem), Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schupuff/pseuds/Schupuff
Summary: Ferdinand makes a gift for Hubert and a competition ensues.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Ferdibert Secret Santa 2020 Edition





	Axe, Sword, Lance

**Author's Note:**

> A much belated Secret Santa gift for Shili from the Ferdibert server!
> 
> They requested something cursed and crack and I present to you this! I really hope you all enjoy this silly fun fic.

The oven was the perfect temperature, he was sure. He’d gotten much more baking practice after first attempting with Dorothea. She hadn’t even tried what he’d made! It was a little disheartening, but he understood. They had burned after all. And they tasted terrible. Still, practice made perfect and with their newfound relationship growing, Ferdinand had a perfect person to bake for.

He’d never expected his relationship with Hubert to blossom as it had. They’d been at each other’s throats for so long and with Hubert seemingly affixed to Edelgard’s side, Ferdinand assumed that it would always be the way of things. He was stunned into silence by Hubert’s compliments the first time he heard them and when he did in fact get the letter he’d asked of him, the words had been so caring and meaningful that he was nearly moved to tears. Hubert harbored feelings toward him that Ferdinand thought he never could. It was all so incredible, he found himself at a loss for words. And so actions would have to do.

He wasn’t certain what kind of cookies Hubert liked best, but certainly he could not ignore the effort and love poured into such a gift. Certainly they would be the best cookies Hubert had ever eaten. How could they not be!?

It was the waiting that was the hardest part of baking, Ferdinand found. He knew he wasn’t a patient person, but he was working on it. He knew his weaknesses and he was working on overcoming them. Perhaps there was something to be said for the animosity he used to share with Hubert. It helped him identify his flaws and better himself as a person. He was grateful for that, truly, and he would do all in his power to make sure Hubert knew it. That thought accompanied him as he carefully retrieved his cookies and packed them in a basket to take to their daily tea/coffee break.

“What is this?” Hubert asked, looking at the covered basket Ferdinand placed on the table.

Ferdinand grinned and uncovered the basket, showing off the cookies he’d baked. “I, Ferdinand von Aegir have made you cookies! From scratch! By myself! No burns this time!”

“This ti-” Hubert paused, a frown of puzzlement on his face. “...do you regularly burn yourself when baking?”

Ferdinand nodded, proudly. “Each burn scar is a lesson.”

“Oven mitts exist, Ferdinand. The burns are unnecessary.”

Ferdinand pouted. “Well I did not burn myself this time. I am aware of oven mitts. Are you going to eat one? I made them for you!”

“I…” Hubert paused and considered the cookies for a moment. After a long glare at the basket, he tentatively reached for one. Ferdinand leaned forward anticipating Hubert's reaction and watched closely as Hubert took a bite, chewed and swallowed.

“Well?” Ferdinand asked.

“Well what?”

“Do you not like it?”

“It is…” Ferdinand grew worried as Hubert paused and couldn’t help but whimper. “Good?” Hubert finally answered.

Ferdinand felt positively giddy. “I knew it!” he exclaimed. “All my hard work has absolutely paid off! I am happy to share such delightful cookies with you!”

Hubert nodded and set the cookie down on his plate. “Yes, thank you for the thought. Now how has-”

“Are you not going to finish it?” he asked.

“What?”

Ferdinand nodded to the cookie. “You only took one bite!” He reached for one of the cookies and took a bite himself. Delicious, if he did say so himself. Not overly sweet and perfectly paired with the tea he drank. “You do like it, do you not?”

“Oh,” Hubert said. “Yes, of course. Thank you, Ferdinand.”

Ferdinand glared and crossed his arms in front of his chest after eating the rest of his cookie. “Prove it. Eat them.”

Hubert looked upon the tray of cookies. “I hardly think I have it in me to eat all of these. Trust me when I say they are delicious.”

“I will help. I made them for us to share after all.”

“Your insistence makes it seem as if you are trying to poison me.”

Ferdinand gasped. “Hubert, I would NEVER! How dare you think such a thing? Besides, I ate one, so you know it is not poisoned.”

Hubert sighed. “Very well. Thank you, Ferdinand.” He finished his first cookie and washed it down with some coffee.

Ferdinand relaxed back into his seat and their conversation started back up again.

“Oh, Hubert, have the last one. I cannot take it.”

Hubert shook his head. “No, I insist, Ferdinand. They are your work, you finish it off.”

“I could not!” Ferdinand responded. “It would be ignoble to take the last of your gift for myself.”

Hubert scoffed. “Is it not ignoble to refuse my gifting said gift to you?”

Ferdinand frowned. “I fear you are correct. Well only one thing to do. I will play you for it.”

Hubert’s eyes narrowed. “What? Would it not be more practical to split it?”

Ferdinand shook his head. “Whole cookie or nothing. Do you accept my challenge.”

Hubert exhaled. “What are we playing?”

Ferdinand smirked. What else could they possibly play to settle this quickly? What else put them on such an even playing field? “Axe, sword, lance.”

“Ferdinand, no,” Hubert said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Ferdinand scoffed. “Hubert, please it is a simple resolution for a simple matter.”

“Do you remember the last time we decided something with axe, sword, lance?”

Ferdinand shook his head. “I only suggested it because it is a simple way to resolve a friendly dispute! Is there some sort of problem?”

Hubert only glared. “You do not remember any of our previous little matches?”

Ferdinand shook his head. “I do not know what you mean.”

Hubert was quiet for a while before his shoulders slumped. “Fine. Two out of three then?”

Ferdinand nodded and held out his fist as Hubert did the same. “Axe,” he said as they shook their fists once.

“Sword,” Hubert joined in with another shake.

“Lance!” they said in unison as they both made their selection. The same selection, both of their hands, open.

Ferdinand blinked in confusion. “We both picked axe!? Ugh. That does not count. Again.”

Hubert sighed, resigned. “Yes, of course.”

Ferdinand studied him carefully. Hubert was brilliant as a combatant in many things and clearly his match. All he would have to do is think like Hubert. He’d already shown axe. Certainly he would not do so again. He would likely not think the same of Ferdinand. Ferdinand was stubborn, he knew it. Making it likely that Hubert would think he would stick with his choice of axe. Lance was the clear pick to beat the sword that Hubert was sure to present.

Lance was indeed the clear pick. So much so that Hubert had chosen it as well. Ferdinand groaned. “Again!”

“Ferdinand why don’t we just…”

Ferdinand was having none of it. The cookie was no longer of consequence. Now the familiar fire inside of Ferdinand was burning. He had to win. He had to be better than Hubert at Axe, Sword, Lance. “I said again!”

Hubert rolled his eyes. Another round of the game, another tie. Ferdinand growled in frustration. “Ferdinand,” Hubert spoke calmly, “let us put this to rest. We can share the cookie. I do not mind sharing it with you.”

“No! I’m going to win and you will eat the delectable treat that I made special for you!”

“Then let me just eat…”

“No! I must earn this victory!”

"Ferdinand, please…"

"Axe, Sword, La-"

"And what are you two up two?" came a voice from beside them. Ferdinand looked to see Edelgard standing at their table, hand on her hip, staring. Judging, Ferdinand thought. He knew that look. 

“Lady Edelgard, my apologies,” Hubert started. “It appears our teamtime has gotten a little heated.”

She laughed. “You two, arguing? Never thought I’d see the day,” she said with a smirk.

Ferdinand pouted. “Hubert is merely being difficult, Edelgard. He is refusing a gift from me!”

She playfully gasped. “Oh no, not that!”

Ferdinand nodded. “I know! So we are battling it out.”

Edelgard sighed. “Don’t tell me. Axe, sword, lance? The last time you tried to settle something that way you were at it for a day solid.” She looked to Hubert. “Can you just accept whatever it is?”

Hubert shook his head. “I made an attempt once I realized where this was going. It was too late.”

Ferdinand slammed his hands on the table. “Because you know you can never best me!”

They both stared at him momentarily before looking at each other as if he wasn’t there. “What is this over, exactly?” she asked Hubert.

“Ferdinand thought I would enjoy cookies and there is only one left.”

“Oh well that’s simple enough to resolve,” Edelgard said with a mischievous smirk. She reached for the cookie in question and took a healthy bite. 

Ferdinand gasped. The last cookie he’d made for Hubert! She was the Emperor, but how dare she? “Edelgard! Those were for Hubert!”

She shrugged and swallowed before saying. “Hubert doesn’t care for sweets.” She examined her half eaten cookie. “These aren’t bad.”

Ferdinand felt his face grow warm with embarrassment. How could he not enjoy cookies? True, he’d never seen Hubert eating anything sweet, but still. This was different. It had to be. “B-but…” he looked to Hubert, “you ate so many of them.”

Hubert nodded. “You put effort into them. I could not very well say no.”

Ferdinand pouted. “You could have told me.”

“And have you mope for the rest of the day? Never. If it means anything, they were the best I’ve had.”

Ferdinand shook his head. “I appreciate the sentiment but you are not getting away that easy. I will not leave our match unsettled. Prepare yourself.”

“Well, I tried,” Edelgard said in an attempt to remove herself from the situation quickly. “Best of luck, Hubert.”

* * *

Hubert was grateful that Edelgard had attempted to help and truth be told, had Ferdinand not been insistent on eating the cookies right then and there, he likely would have given them to her in the first place. That was always how it had been, him regularly sneaking his desserts to her so she could have extra. They’d done that since they were children and he wondered if that contributed at all to her love of sweets.

He did not have time to ruminate on that now, however, not with Ferdinand across from him, holding his fist forward as if this silly game was the most important thing in the entire world. Perhaps it was, in a sense. He was always so competitive, Hubert thought as he stared at him. He could practically see the fire burning in Ferdinand’s eyes and it was at these moments that the young Prime Minister was at his most frightening. Ferdinand von Aegir was a force to be reckoned with in every aspect of his life but why oh why did he have to be so  _ weird _ ? Even worse, why was Hubert undeniably attracted to him when he got like this?

Still the obsession with victory could be a bit much. Everything was a competition with Ferdinand von Aegir. Even a simple confession of feelings had turned into a challenge to put all of his compliments into writing. He’d even been matched when attempting to give a gift. It truly was endearing, but sometimes, like now, it was childish and dare he say, annoying.

He was left with two options. Ignore Ferdinand or engage. Ignoring was out of the question entirely. Ferdinand von Aegir was not one to be ignored. That left engage as the only option. From there, the choices were to try or to let him win. Couldn’t let him win. He’d  _ know. _

Hubert sighed. For a simple game, Axe, Sword, Lance was full of surprising complexities. It was truly about knowing your opponent and how they would bluff. What their preferences were. Ferdinand unsurprisingly often went for lance as his first move. It was his expertise, his pride. Hubert remembered the first time that Ferdinand  _ didn’t _ . While he loved seeing Ferdinand adapt his strategies, he was in fact, frustrated. It meant he could no longer get an early lead on their match counts. No matter. If they were to prove themselves equals, it was somewhat fun to do so like this, though he did wish their games did not go on for as long as they tended to. He did have other items on his schedule today, after all. “Ferdinand, can we postpone this and finish our quarrel later? I would like to leave today’s tea in a calmer state of mind.”

Ferdinand pouted. “Very well. But do not think I will forget.”

Ferdinand did not forget. The rest of Hubert’s day slowly morphed into a combination of his formal duties and trying to avoid his lover. At any moment, any opportunity that existed, Ferdinand was there and ready to initiate another round of their silly game. He was waiting outside of his meeting with Edelgard. He managed to sneak into Hubert’s office without him hearing and snuck up behind him while he did his paperwork. He was even there in the hallway on Hubert’s way to a meeting he was certain he hadn’t told Ferdinand about. If he didn’t know any better, he would have sworn Ferdinand somehow learned Warp.

It was when he caught sight of Ferdinand through a window outside his final meeting of the day that he knew this menace must be stopped. After his meeting ended, he excused himself and made his way down to where Ferdinand awaited him. “You know, Ferdinand, I have told many of your maturity over the years, but it appears my praise was premature.”

Ferdinand pouted. “I told you I would not forget. It is clear you were hoping I would.”

Hubert sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ferdinand, that’s because this silly little game means nothing. You made me cookies. I appreciated the gesture and you insisted on fighting me for the last one that I did not want to fight for. Please let it go.”

“It is about more than just cookies! It is about the pride I take in not leaving my affairs unfinished!”

“Your affairs unfinished? Ferdinand, you mean to tell me those bits of armor strewn about your floor were completed projects? I ended the issue of the cookie, the matter is settled.”

Ferdinand huffed. “It is more than that!”

Hubert rolled his eyes. “Did I damage your noble honor or-”

“No,” Ferdinand said firmly. Hubert looked to him and saw him begin to blush. “It is just...I like when we are at odds.”

Hubert furrowed his brow. “What?”

“We don’t fight like we used to,” Ferdinand said.

“Yes, well that is because…”

“I miss that. How else do you think I fell for you?”

Hubert instinctively leaned back. He loved Ferdinand, truly, and he was still getting used to what exactly that entailed. He felt his cheeks grow warm as he looked at Ferdinand gazing at him. He still tripped over his words whenever Ferdinand explained his attraction or expressed affection in any form. He was never quite sure how to respond to it. “Is...is that so?” he stammered. “Ferdinand, if you ever wish to compete with me, I would gladly teach you some other game.”

Ferdinand shook his head. “I cannot ask you to play chess in the heat of the moment! Besides, you are far better than me at it! You know me, I am far too impulsive and not as strategic as you. No, Axe sword lance is the great equalizer between us, Hubert! It is the only game that will do!”

Hubert sighed, exasperated. “It is the great equalizer because we spend hours in a silly stalemate. I think we should pursue other avenues of competition should one of us truly walk away the victor.”

Ferdinand pouted. “But It is easy and requires no equipment besides our minds. Your mind is so beautiful, Hubert and I wish to challenge it with my own. I know it seems silly to you, but to me it is an excellent expression of our understanding of each other!”

“I see,” Hubert said, somewhat to himself. He did not want to play this particular game any longer, but who was he to deny Ferdinand that joy? It clearly meant the world to him, no matter how silly it was. “I suppose I will give in, just for you.”

Ferdinand stood straight, his mood an expression brightening. “And I am glad to hear it!” He extended his fist forward. “Have at you!”

Hubert chuckled. “Very well, Ferdinand. But to not expect me to simply let you win.”

The sun set before a winner was determined in their game. Hubert wasn’t certain if Ferdinand had actually beaten him in their immature battle of wits or if he had, in fact, simply let the man get away with it. All he knew was he was tired, not to mention his arm. Ferdinand, it appeared, felt as if he won an entire war single-handedly.

“I am victorious as I knew I would be, Hubert!” he exclaimed triumphantly.

“It appears so. I am defeated. However, Ferdinand, what will you take as your prize as there are no further baked goods to be had?”

Ferdinand laughed before lunging forward and engulfing Hubert in a tight hug. “I think you will have to do, my moonbean.”

Hubert scoffed. “If I had known, I would have let you win far sooner.”

Ferdinand gasped playfully. “Hubert! How dare you suggest such a thing! Letting me win, never!”

“Of course not, sunlight. Now, whose room shall we adjourn to for the evening? Mine or yours?”

Ferdinand grinned broadly. “I will play you for the honor!”

Hubert didn’t remember who eventually won their little game. It didn’t matter. The smile the competition brought to Ferdinand’s face was more than enough of a prize. It was months later that the topic came up once again.

“Ferdinand,” Hubert asked, his tone light, “I have some extra time today. Would you care to join me for tea?”

Ferdinand looked up from the paperwork he’d been paying attention to and beamed. “You know you never have to ask me such a thing. Where should I join you? Here or outside?”

Hubert smiled. It had been a while since Ferdinand had presented him with a choice. “How about we play for it?”

Ferdinand tilted his head. “Play for it? I hardly think this is the occasion for such a thing. Honestly, Hubert.”

Hubert cleared his throat. Had he done something wrong. “Ferdinand, are you all right?You told me that you enjoyed a friendly little competition between the two of us now and again.”

“Oh! That!” He laughed and smiled gently at Hubert. “I uh...just...let my competitive nature get the better of me that day. I merely meant to continue the game we had already started. I was surprised it was so easy to talk you into it.”

Hubert stared blankly at Ferdinand. Had he been had so easily? Did he let Ferdinand best him so? Of all the weaknesses he could have, was his truly Ferdinand von Aegir’s puppy eyes?

Ferdinand’s laughter rang through the room. “Oh do not look at me like that, Hubert,” he said before walking to him and placing a light kiss on his cheek. “I have gotten the better of you for years.” He left the room. “It is a lovely day out! I’ll begin to prepare your coffee.”


End file.
